Here I sit, in my corner computer desk, sipping a mango kombucha, soaking in the late afternoon sun that falls softly through my curtain less west facing window. My feet are cold, and rimmed with remnants of spending the day in the garden, and a little sore from breaking in a new pair of summer thongs. The foot warmers, the usual suspects that usually gather at my feet are missing, and can be found lounging on the deck, watching the world go by on this late, cool spring evening. My desk is messy, with all tall stuff pushed to the side so I can get a clear view of the screen, and there is a fleece blanket draped on the back of my chair ready to whip over my lap as soon as the sun dips below the treeline. In about ten minutes, Jeremy will come up, and bring me dinner as I dine with my computer. Ahhh, Sunday evening.
Jeremy asked me earlier in the day, "what are you going to write about?"
"Dunno," I answered. There has been so much running through my head, that necessarily doesn't run in tandem with my heart, it's hard to pick a subject to blab about, since they are rarely on the same page these days. One thing that the both of them have been chewing on, is beginnings. The last two weeks have been spent witnessing beginnings.
My friend and fellow photographer Sarah and I spent last weekend wrapped in the arms of two beginnings. My childhood best friend got married, as well as one of my brother's childhood best friends, and Sarah and I had the awesome pleasure of being their wedding photographers. My, what an emotional weekend it was, and I gotta say, we got to photograph two of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen.
Friends, meet Janna.
I met Janna when I was four and a half years old. Lucky for me, she happened to live right next door. My childhood was spend attached to her hip, and she was the bestest of the best. I cannot imagine what life would have been like, growing up without her. My heart hurts just to entertain the thought. She was the first person I ever trusted completely, the person I laughed the hardest with, the person I watched Girls Just Wanna Have Fun with probably over 20 times with, the person I had no problem sharing anything with, and she most defiantly had a hand in shaping the person that I am today. Thank you, my dear, sweet, friend, for that part of my heart.
When I first met her husband to be, my heart settled into a good place. I liked him immediately, with his warm and gentle nature, and the way he looked not at Janna, but into her. They connected on a very deep level, and it was obvious to anyone who spent time with them.
It was an extreme honor for us to be asked to do the wedding photography, and I cannot help but look at the images and be so humbled to be such a big part of a beginning. The beginning of them.
Next, meet Shannon and Kip.
Kip is one of my brothers best buds from back in the day. He was a regular at our house growing up, and as you can see, loves to be a goof ball. Jeremy knows when I'm editing their wedding photos by the the whoops of laughter coming from the room I am in. The photos are hilarious, with his animated nature and his new brides lovely silliness too. We had a blast with them, such a fun, fun couple to photograph. I hadn't met Shannon until she walked into the room for portraits that day, and took every one's breath away. Her laid back nature put us at ease, making our job so enjoyable just to be in her company. I did manage to get a couple serious photos to mark the beginning of them, but mostly fun, silly ones that perfectly matches their style. So, raise a glass with me to welcome a new beginning, to Kip and Shannon.
The next new beginning, is one that hurts my heart so good. I missed the birth of my brand new niece because I was sick, so I had to wait a bit to finally meet her. As you know, babies are hard for me. Previous loss and loss of the hope of having another baby have twisted into a big, raw, ugly, wound that starts to throb harder the minute I smell diapers. I never know how I'm going to react, and that makes me scared, guilty, and terrified, all at the same time.
As we walked to the door of my brothers house, my heart was beating wildly in my chest. I so wanted to keep that crazy, wild haired, emotion in check, so I hid it away in that closet in your heart that stores the unwanted junk. She was asleep when I got there, so I waited a good twenty heart pounding minutes before I slipped into the room she was sleeping in, by myself, to meet her.
The minute I saw her, the pounding on that emotional closet door stopped, and a door engraved with the name Lexi flew open with a bang. I was in love, no question, and it hurt, but the good kind. It's amazing how fast love can push everything away and be the clearest, purest, whole encompassing thing in the room.
So, world, meet sweet Lexi.
The beginnings these weeks have been beautiful, and I am left reflecting.
I have one more beginning, but it's in the works. Nothing too terribly exciting, but exciting for our little family. I'll blog about it in the weeks to come.
Happy, beautiful beginnings, and love to Janna and Brian, Shannon and Kip, and my new beautiful niece, Lexi!